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Monday, Sep. 27, 2004 at 1:36 pm

Interview with The Grok

By Persuasion Architects
September 27th, 2004

J. Lipton was recently seen interviewing our very own little green alien, The Grok. I just got my mitts on the transcript of that interview.

What is your favorite word?

You can imagine I had a hard time at first figuring out which words were legit. For instance, I feel in love with the word “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”. But then someone told me that was a little juvenile. So I moved on to “frabjous”, which still makes me smile. For a real word, I’m fond of “phlegmatic”. Sounds like such an ugly word, and yet it means something so soothing. Oh, relevance, that’s a great word. Relevance.

What is your least favorite word?

You know how some words just sound plain old stupid? Like the person who’s saying it is a complete idiot? And you know how some people can spew soda out their noses when they laugh too hard (and they happen to be drinking soda)? Well, those two qualities came together for me when I heard the word “doily”. We-We is also on my least favorite list.

What turns you on?

People. You all ask such amazing questions and dream such incredible dreams. You believe in “potential,” even when things are pretty mucky all around them. How could that ever fail to inspire me?

What turns you off?

That would be the button under my fancy belt buckle with the ‘G’. Rather like Mr. Data. You’re not really going to publish that are you? Look, don’t put that in … you meant “tick me off”, right? And that would be mean people, angry people, yelling, unpleasantness. Anything falling into that category makes me want to reinvent the world. Really long forms on websites are bad too.

What is your favorite curse word?

Mystery Meat

What sound or noise do you love?

The Theremin. It happens to be the only musical instrument you play without having to touch it, and it’s the noise everyone associates with Grade B Sci Fi film and outer space creepiness.

What sound or noise do you hate?

The sound of a plucked rose screaming. Oh, your ears don’t do that frequency, do they. Just as well … it’s a brutal thing for a sensitive soul to hear. Let’s see … let me give you one you can hear … ah, that would be the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. Except, you humans don’t make blackboards anymore, do you? Geez, a whole generation that can live free of that hideous sound. Imagine. It’s white boards now, isn’t it? Can you explain to me … was that in response to racism?

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I’ve always thought it’d be fun to be Danny DeVito’s stunt double, oh wait, our Senior Persuasion Architect Anthony Garcia already has that job. Let me think…I’ve always wanted to be The Apprentice.

What profession would you not like to do?

I don’t think I’d like to be a professional mud wrestler. I’m too short, and too much water isn’t good for my skin. I believe mud wrestler’s have to shower a lot.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Well, I wouldn’t mind if He told me Elvis never made it. But I’d really be pleased to hear Him say, “Grok…dude! I read everything you wrote … fabulous stuff.

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