The Web page was pronounced dead on October 9, 2006, after a long bought with chronic irrelevance. A large group of marketers attempted CPR and other heroic resuscitation techniques. Witnesses present at the scene told reporters that despite a few minutes of chaos, the Web page’s last moments were largely serene and peaceful.
“She was a quiet and powerful beast, and she died doing what she loved,” states one observer.
“While Web 2.0 technologies and persuasive scenarios were certainly contributing factors, we have determined they were not the cause of death,” said a spokesman for the Web page’s care provider. “She was just too irrelevant, and she never quite recovered. She just couldn’t keep pace or serve the needs of today’s marketers any longer.”
Online businesses and marketers are devastated by the news.
“She meant so much to those of us who work online. None of us could have accomplished what we’ve done without her. She’ll go down as one of the great contributors to our bottom lines and to society as a whole,” said one mourner on the scene.
Typical Web analytics jockeys will likely be hit hardest of all.
“What are we gonna do now? What do we do with all these page hits? What will we track? How will we help our clients be successful?” said Iam Du’um, CEO of How Idiots Track Success Ltd., a small traffic-building and Web analytics consulting firm whose business focuses on helping clients increase their exposure by increasing Web page “hits” and, most recently, page “views.”
Other experts disagree.