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FutureNow Post
Thursday, Jul. 19, 2007 at 4:51 pm

Internet Wasteland, The Musical

By Bryan Eisenberg
July 19th, 2007

Hat tip to Jared for sharing Internet Wasteland by Eddy Boston.

Feed readers can get it here.

Come on and Google me baby.
Go ahead and ask Jeeves.
Type in the query:
“Eddy Boston, please.”
But you ain’t gonna find me,
Not even on broadband,
‘Cause I’m a page-rank zero
In the internet wasteland.

I don’t care about your space;
I can’t even find mine.
I’ve been lost since the days of
America Online.
And you ain’t gonna find me,
Add me to your top eight friends,
‘Cause I’m drowning in the bitstream
Of this internet wasteland.

And the Web 2.0 is driving me insane,
The internet wasteland is pushin’ in my brain
With Ajax, PDF, page not found,
Javascript, CSS, the server’s down
In the wasteland.

What, are you still designing
With tables and forms?
You’re not ready for the desktop.
You’re so 2004.
And they ain’t gonna find you
In your parents’ basement.
You’ll be just another dead link
In the internet wasteland.

And you though you could code it all in XML
But the internet wasteland put you through Hell,
So it’s quirks mode, browser checks, transparent GIFs,
The scent of information’s down to barely just a whiff
In the wasteland.

You wanna be the next eBay.
You’re more like Pets Dot Com.
You want an Adword payday,
But the links are all wrong.
And you ain’t gonna find it,
Even with Ruby on the backend
No Rail’s gonna save you
In the internet wasteland.

It’s an internet wasteland.

In humor
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Comments (2)

  1. Always enjoy a little musical humor with my technology…

    Write some myself sometimes. Here’s one I wrote after a particularly surreal VC meeting in 2000…

    Not professional, not even good– but painfully amusing to those who lived it…

  2. [...] <b>Internet</b> Wasteland – The Musical [...]

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Bryan Eisenberg, founder of FutureNow, is a professional marketing speaker and the co-author of New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling books Call to Action and Waiting For Your Cat to Bark and Always Be Testing. You can friend him on Facebook or Twitter.

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