The Message Must be Meat

We’ve been talking about creating copy that leaps off the computer screen and cozies up to your visitors as if it were you sitting right there with them. Personality, voice, verbs, emotions, wordsmithing techniques. They’re important ingredients to the recipe of writing well for the Web.

But it’s time for a Whoa-Nelly. Got your attention? Good, ‘cause this is really important. You can craft the supremest of supreme pieces of copy, and it’s going to be utterly worthless if you fail to speak to the dog, in the language of the dog, about what matters to the heart of the dog.

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“You calling my visitor a DOG, Grok?” Hey, bear with me on this.

In his incredible Wizard Academy, Roy Williams talks about Pavlov. You remember him, right? The dude who got the dog to salivate to the sound of a bell?  Roy uses Pavlov’s experiment to illustrate branding and the value of relevance.

You see, Pavlov didn’t put an artfully arranged plate of vegetables in front of the dog. What self-respecting carnivore (aside from my neighbor’s goofy hound who’ll beg for broccoli) gets juiced about vegetables? He put down something the dog seriously cared about, something that would get those salivary glands working overtime: meat.

To the heart of the dog, meat reigns supreme. It matters. It’s the bottom-line food-truth in the canine world-view. It doesn’t matter how fresh those vegetables are or how fancy you dress ‘em up. They’ll never get the dog salivating in the first place.

That’s what you gotta do - identify the “bottom-line food-truth” stuff about your business that’s going to perform the equivalent of getting your visitor to salivate. What’s in the heart of your dogs? What really matters most to them?

Then you can decide how you’re going to serve it up. Only when you’ve figured out what really matters to your dogs can you effectively persuade them, speaking to them in their language.

You can write screens full of gorgeous copy. You can pay through the nose to have a first-class copywriter perform verbal magic. But understand this: even mediocre writing that captures the essence of what matters to the dog will out-perform stellar writing that completely misses the mark.

No, I am not giving you license to slack off on the writing! Make it compelling and appealing. Infuse it with all the goodies we’ve been discussing. Ring the best and most brilliant bell you can! Just keep in mind - if it ain’t the meat, the only thing you’re really serving up is a plate of they-could-care-less-about-it vegetables.

Before and After Copy Spotlight: NewsBios

You gotta love examples. They’re the things that show principles in action, make ideas tangible. I can tell you how critical it is to write to the dog in the language of the dog about what matters to the heart of the dog, but it’s so much cooler when I can show you a before and after.

I’m leaning on a new friend of mine, Laurie Kuntz. She happens to be in charge of a journalist profiling service called NewsBios She also happens to be among those who graduated from the first Wizards of Web Academy Laurie survived those three intensive days, subjected herself to a grueling uncovery, got major inspired and took a crack at revamping her home page copy.

Let’s look at what she did and why she did it.

Laurie’s customers, generally speaking, want to get media exposure for their businesses. But how do you get a journalist to take an interest in what you are doing; how do you decide which journalist could do the most for you? Well, that’s where Laurie’s service comes in.

NewsBios has big-font text that pretty effectively grabs your visual attention when you land on the home page. The old version read:

We know more, about more journalists, than anyone else in the World.

Yeah? So what! The first thing you want to do to engage your customers is brag about yourself? I don’t think so. If you even want a chance to speak to the dog, you’d better give it meat. Laurie’s revised version reads:

Empowering you to know more, about more journalists, than anyone else in the World.

Way cool! “We” is gone, replaced with “Empowering you to” and the entire sense of the headline has changed. If I’m a PR type, I’m all for being empowered. And I absolutely want to know more about it than anyone else in the world, ‘cause I’m all for having the inside edge in my business! This headline speaks to me about what matters to me, and I’m far more likely to keep reading.

Here’s the body of the old copy:

The opening two questions address potential reasons I - the PR dude - might have come to this site, but these are quickly followed with copy that again touts the wonderfulness of NewsBios. Not an effective value proposition, nor an emotional hook by any stretch. It’s simply counterproductive to we-we all over yourself.

Then the copy proceeds to tell me I basically don’t know the difference between my head and a hole in the ground. And that’s why journalists won’t talk to me or write about my business. But NewsBios is the priceless tool that is going to save me.

Wanna guess how a negative pitch affects the dog? Think whack on the snout with a rolled up newspaper.

The revised copy reads as follows:

Now this delightfully and immediately treats me like a sentient being and acknowledges the frustrations I might be having doing my job. Not only that, it understands that I have a great story to tell and a unique product. Do I want more publicity? Yeah, baby, bring it on! Do I want a “tool that will educate” me? Darn tootin’! Do I want help with my homework? Make it easier for me!!

The copy is also shorter. And if you can achieve the goal more effectively in fewer words, that’s a very good thing.

Laurie employed a few other tactics in her copy that will help keep her dogs engaged in her persuasion process. The revision includes links embedded in the text - each a call to action - that can help visitors move further into the site based on the information they want next.

She also has employed text bolding so those cut-to-the-chase personality types can get the entire sense of the home page by skimming. If you just read the bolded bits, you get:

Not a perfect read, but it gets the point across quickly and efficiently. Benefit, service. Aimed at the heart of the dog.

See what I mean? Now, shed your egos, uncover the meat and have at your own home page!

P.S. Mucho gracious, Laurie!!

 

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GROK is taken from the landmark novel "Stranger in a Strange Land", by Robert A. Heinlein. It is a Martian word that implies the presence of intimate and exhaustive knowledge and understanding. Our "GROK" is a keen observer of the world around him and he takes a particular interest in the World Wide Web. The folks at Future Now like him a lot because he's taught them that "sometimes the price of clarity is the risk of insult."